I want to share this with all of you.

I didn’t suddenly gain all the weight in a year, or even two. I was a chubby kid when I was younger and I still am. When I was younger, I was obsessed with walking on my tip toes for a few years. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t walk normally, on my flat feet. That developed the massive calf muscles I have right now - they’re 16” wide and I haven’t found any good thing to help make them smaller besides running since they are after all, muscle. 

I have a sister. She’s 5 years older than me, and my parents have always compared me to her since she was the straight A kid in school, honor roll every year, got out of high school in 4 years and went to military college. She wants to be the first woman on Mars. Me however? I’m not very good in any subjects besides english, vocals, German, and photography. I’m also talented with nails, and I’m passionate about make up. I want to be a makeup artist and a photographer. I see things differently, because that’s just how I see things, artistically. I’m the only artist in my family.

Me and my sister have always had a rough relationship. She’s skinny, neat, clean, and I have a really messy room and I’m larger than her. I didn’t know how by how much, though, until I learned she weighed 115 lbs. Then it hit me: I weigh over 15 pounds more than my older sister. And it’s bothered me ever since.

My mother thought I weighed 10 pounds less than I actually did.

I started doing martial arts when I was 11, and I’ve been riding horses since I was 6, so it’s not like I didn’t get any exercise. I’ve had some problems with self-injury, yes, to answer your question.

It was only until around March that I started thinking about my weight, and I made a weight loss blog on tumblr as a secondary blog. It was always inspiring, but up until about the middle of May did I decide to seriously do something about it.

I started cutting down, then seriously restricting. And I haven’t made it as a habit yet, but I want to. I can’t wait for it to become a big deal if I eat a granola bar for lunch.

I’ve thought about bulimia. The one day I threw up my breakfast because I had been feeling sick since I had gotten up, I felt alot better, more clear headed, so I can see why people get sucked into it.

I don’t think I have an eating disorder. All I know is I won’t stop until the number on the scale gets dangerously low to two digits. I weigh myself at least 4 times a day. I’ll exercise until I’m so sore I can’t get up the next day. And it’s hard since you have those days where you want to quit, and you don’t even see why you’re doing this, and I’m so glad that I have the tumblr weight loss community that I can rely on to help get me through those times.

But honestly, I’m muscle. I found out that my parents were hoping for me to be a body builder and they’ve been trying to ‘shape’ me for it. So I really do have lots of muscle. I just need to lose all this fat.

I don’t bite. I want to support everybody, and please don’t hesitate to leave me an ask with a comment, suggestion, weight loss tip, or if you want help… I’ll always answer.

Also I love texting buddies so if you want to become texting buddies please leave your number in my ask - AND NOT ANONOMYOUS. If you’re asking it and your primary blog isn’t a weight loss blog, if you could leave the link that would be lovely. xx